That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
