Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
