I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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