He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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