He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
