It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize