I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
