we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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