the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
