They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
