I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
