Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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