I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
