my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
