I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
