im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
