so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
