Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
