update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
