Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
