Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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