He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
