she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
