Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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