wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
