fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
