I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Panties = found
Randomize