FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
