god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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