i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
