The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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