May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
