the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize