i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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