I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
