Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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