high people should be assigned attendants
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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