someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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