Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
