life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
