When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
