Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
