I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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