A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
