I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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