My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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