he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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