Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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