I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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