i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize