Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
