i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize