its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
