just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
