I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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