A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
