hotel room ftw
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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