Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
