so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
