i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All the doctor said was why
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
