I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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