There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
