Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
