omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
