Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
